第二十一章 第二十章
阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇在客厅里向贝特西告辞后，便朝妻子房间走去。她正躺着，但听见脚步声，连忙坐起来——恢复了原先的姿态——惊恐地望着他。他看见她哭过。
"我非常感激你对我的信任。"他温和地重复了在贝特西面前用法语说过的那句话——现在却是用俄语——然后在她身旁坐下。他用俄语、并且用亲昵的"你"来称呼她时，安娜感到难以忍受的厌恶。"我衷心感激你的决定。我也认为，既然他即将远行，弗隆斯基伯爵完全没有必要到这里来。不过，如果……"
"我已经说过了，何必再重复？"安娜突然打断他的话，那股怒气怎么也按捺不住。"完全没有必要，"她想，"对于一个深爱着她的男人来说，他为了她准备毁掉自己、也确实毁掉了自己，而她离了他也活不下去——让他来向这女人告别，这完全没有必要！"她咬紧嘴唇，垂下那双灼灼逼人的眼睛，望着他那双青筋暴起、正相互搓揉的手。
"我们永远别再谈这事了。"她平静些了，又补充道。
"这件事我本来留给您去决定，现在看到……"阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇开口道。
"看到我的愿望和您的愿望一致了。"她飞快地替他把话说完，他说话慢吞吞的，而她要说的她早已了然于心，这让她恼火。
"是的。"他表示同意，"特维尔斯基公爵夫人插手别人最棘手的家务事，那是完全没有必要的。她尤其……"
"人家说她什么我一个字也不信。"安娜抢着说，"我知道她是真心诚意爱护我的。"
阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇叹了口气，没有再开口。她神经质地抚弄着晨衣的穗子，以一种肉体上的反感凝视着他——这种感情折磨得她痛苦不堪，她怪自己不该有这种感情，却又无法克服。她现在只求赶紧摆脱他那令人窒息的纠缠。
"我刚刚派人去请医生了。"阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇说。
"我身体很好；为什么请医生？"
"不行，小女儿哭个不停，保姆说奶水不够。"
"当初我要求亲自喂奶，你为什么不让我喂？反正也一样"（阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇心里明白这个"反正也一样"是什么意思），"她是个婴儿嘛，他们是在折磨她。"她按了铃，吩咐把婴儿抱来。"我要求喂奶，你不答应；现在又来怪我。"
"我不怪你……"
"不，你在怪我！我的上帝！我怎么不死了才好！"她啜泣起来。"请原谅我，我神经不稳，我不讲理，"她平静了一些，说道，"你还是走吧……"
"不能这样下去了。"阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇走出妻子房间时，斩钉截铁地对自己说。
他从来没有像今天这样清楚地意识到：他在世人眼中的处境，妻子对他的嫌恶，以及另一种秘密力量的威力——正是这种粗野而强大的力量支配着他的人生，反对他内心的精神需求，并强制他必须按它的旨意改变对妻子的态度。他清楚地看到，全世界和他的妻子都要求他做什么，但究竟应该做什么，他却不懂。他感到，这必然在他心中激起一种破坏他心灵安宁和修养成果的愤怒情绪。他认为，对安娜本人来说，结束与弗隆斯基的关系应当是件好事。但如果大家都认为这不可能，他甚至愿意容忍这种关系重新建立起来，只要不使孩子们蒙受耻辱，不使他失去他们，也不迫使他改变处境。不管这样有多糟，总比离婚要好些——离婚会使她陷入绝望和耻辱的境地，并使他自己失去他所珍爱的一切。但他感到自己无能为力；他事先就知道，大家都会反对他，他们绝不会让他做他现在觉得如此自然和正确的事，而会逼他去做那些不对的事——尽管在他们看来，那才是应当做的。
Alexey Alexandrovitch took leave of Betsy in the drawing-room, and went
to his wife. She was lying down, but hearing his steps she sat up
hastily in her former attitude, and looked in a scared way at him. He
saw she had been crying.
“I am very grateful for your confidence in me.” He repeated gently in
Russian the phrase he had said in Betsy’s presence in French, and sat
down beside her. When he spoke to her in Russian, using the Russian
“thou” of intimacy and affection, it was insufferably irritating to
Anna. “And I am very grateful for your decision. I, too, imagine that
since he is going away, there is no sort of necessity for Count Vronsky
to come here. However, if....”
“But I’ve said so already, so why repeat it?” Anna suddenly interrupted
him with an irritation she could not succeed in repressing. “No sort of
necessity,” she thought, “for a man to come and say good-bye to the
woman he loves, for whom he was ready to ruin himself, and has ruined
himself, and who cannot live without him. No sort of necessity!” she
compressed her lips, and dropped her burning eyes to his hands with
their swollen veins. They were rubbing each other.
“Let us never speak of it,” she added more calmly.
“I have left this question to you to decide, and I am very glad to
see....” Alexey Alexandrovitch was beginning.
“That my wish coincides with your own,” she finished quickly,
exasperated at his talking so slowly while she knew beforehand all he
would say.
“Yes,” he assented; “and Princess Tverskaya’s interference in the most
difficult private affairs is utterly uncalled for. She especially....”
“I don’t believe a word of what’s said about her,” said Anna quickly.
“I know she really cares for me.”
Alexey Alexandrovitch sighed and said nothing. She played nervously
with the tassel of her dressing-gown, glancing at him with that
torturing sensation of physical repulsion for which she blamed herself,
though she could not control it. Her only desire now was to be rid of
his oppressive presence.
“I have just sent for the doctor,” said Alexey Alexandrovitch.
“I am very well; what do I want the doctor for?”
“No, the little one cries, and they say the nurse hasn’t enough milk.”
“Why didn’t you let me nurse her, when I begged to? Anyway” (Alexey
Alexandrovitch knew what was meant by that “anyway”), “she’s a baby,
and they’re killing her.” She rang the bell and ordered the baby to be
brought her. “I begged to nurse her, I wasn’t allowed to, and now I’m
blamed for it.”
“I don’t blame....”
“Yes, you do blame me! My God! why didn’t I die!” And she broke into
sobs. “Forgive me, I’m nervous, I’m unjust,” she said, controlling
herself, “but do go away....”
“No, it can’t go on like this,” Alexey Alexandrovitch said to himself
decidedly as he left his wife’s room.
Never had the impossibility of his position in the world’s eyes, and
his wife’s hatred of him, and altogether the might of that mysterious
brutal force that guided his life against his spiritual inclinations,
and exacted conformity with its decrees and change in his attitude to
his wife, been presented to him with such distinctness as that day. He
saw clearly that all the world and his wife expected of him something,
but what exactly, he could not make out. He felt that this was rousing
in his soul a feeling of anger destructive of his peace of mind and of
all the good of his achievement. He believed that for Anna herself it
would be better to break off all relations with Vronsky; but if they
all thought this out of the question, he was even ready to allow these
relations to be renewed, so long as the children were not disgraced,
and he was not deprived of them nor forced to change his position. Bad
as this might be, it was anyway better than a rupture, which would put
her in a hopeless and shameful position, and deprive him of everything
he cared for. But he felt helpless; he knew beforehand that everyone
was against him, and that he would not be allowed to do what seemed to
him now so natural and right, but would be forced to do what was wrong,
though it seemed the proper thing to them.
