第一百四十五章 第二十一章
第二十一章
从阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇与贝特西和斯捷潘·阿尔卡季奇交谈中明白，大家只期望他让妻子安宁，不要以他的在场使她感到负担，而且他妻子本人也希望如此的那一刻起，他感到如此心烦意乱，以致无法自行做出任何决定；他不知道自己现在想要什么，于是把自己交给那些如此乐意关心他事务的人，对一切都无保留地表示同意。直到安娜离开家，英籍女教师派人来问他是否与她同席用餐还是分开用餐时，他才第一次清楚地理解了自己的处境，并对此感到惊恐。在这种处境中，最困难的是他完全无法将他过去的生活与现在的生活联系起来并调和一致。令他烦恼的并非与妻子幸福生活的过去。从那个过去到得知妻子不忠的过渡，他已经痛苦地经历过了；那种状态虽然痛苦，但他能够理解。如果当时他的妻子在向他坦白不忠后离开了他，他会受到伤害，会不幸福，但他不会陷入他现在所感到的那种无法理解的绝望境地。他现在无法将他刚刚过去的经历——他对生病妻子的温柔和爱，以及对那个男人孩子的爱——与现在的情况调和起来，也就是说，仿佛作为这一切的回报，他现在发现自己孤身一人，蒙受羞辱，成为笑柄，无人需要，并被所有人鄙视。
妻子离开后的头两天，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇一如往常地接见求助者和他的首席秘书，驾车去委员会，下楼去餐厅吃饭。他没有给自己解释正在做什么，只是在这两天里竭尽全力，仅仅为了保持镇静甚至冷漠的外表。在回答有关安娜·阿尔卡季耶夫娜房间和物品处置的询问时，他极尽克制，表现得仿佛发生的一切并非出乎意料或超乎寻常，他达到了目的：没有人能在他身上看出绝望的迹象。但在她离开后的第二天，当科尔内交给他一张安娜忘记支付的时尚布店的账单，并说店里的伙计在等候时，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇吩咐让伙计进来。
“请原谅，大人，斗胆打扰您。但如果您指示我们向夫人请示，能否请您赐告她的地址？”
在伙计看来，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇沉思了一下，然后突然间转过身，在桌边坐下。他双手抱头，以那个姿势坐了很久，几次想要说话却又停住了。科尔内察觉到主人的激动情绪，便请伙计改天再来。独自一人时，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇意识到他已无力继续保持那种坚定和镇静的姿态。他下令取消等候他的马车，不让任何人进来，也没有下楼吃饭。
他感到自己无法承受普遍蔑视和愤怒的重压，这在他那两天里遇到的每个人——伙计、科尔内，以及所有人无一例外——的脸上都清晰可见。他感到自己无法摆脱人们对他的憎恨，因为这种憎恨并非源于他坏（那样的话他可以努力变得更好），而是源于他既可耻又令人反感地不幸。他知道，正因为这一点，正因为他的心被悲伤撕裂，他们才会对他毫不留情。他感到人们会像狗撕咬一条因疼痛而嚎叫的受伤的狗一样将他撕碎。他知道，他抵御人们的唯一方法就是向他们隐藏自己的伤口，而两天来他本能地试图这样做，但现在他感到无力维持这种不平等的斗争。
意识到自己在悲伤中完全孤独，这甚至加剧了他的绝望。在整个彼得堡，没有一个人可以让他倾诉自己的感受，会同情他——不是作为高级官员，不是作为社会成员，而是仅仅作为一个受苦的人；实际上，在全世界他都没有这样一个人。
阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇是个孤儿，长大成人。他有两个兄弟。他们不记得父亲，母亲在阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇十岁时去世了。财产很少。他们的叔叔卡列宁，一位身居高位的政府官员，一度是已故沙皇的宠臣，抚养了他们长大。
以优异成绩完成中学和大学学业后，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇在叔叔的帮助下，立即在官场中谋得了一个显赫的职位，从那时起，他便全身心地投入到政治抱负中。在中学和大学，以及后来的工作中，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇从未与任何人建立过亲密的友谊。他的兄弟曾是他最亲近的人，但他在外交部任职，常年在国外，在阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇结婚后不久便去世了。
当他担任省长时，安娜的姑姑，一位富有的省城贵妇，将他——尽管对于省长来说还算年轻，但已届中年——与她的侄女撮合，并成功地使他处于要么求婚要么离开该城的境地。阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇没有犹豫太久。当时，赞成和反对此项举动的理由一样多，没有压倒性的考虑因素能够推翻他一贯的规则：遇事犹豫不决时便暂缓行动。但安娜的姑姑通过一个共同熟人暗示说，他已经使那女孩名声受损，出于道义他必须向她求婚。他求了婚，并将他所能拥有的全部感情都倾注到了他的未婚妻和妻子身上。
他对安娜的依恋在他心中排除了与他人建立亲密关系的所有需要。而今，在他的所有熟人中，他没有一个朋友。他有许多所谓的关系，但没有友谊。阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇有许多人可以邀请吃饭，可以在他关心的任何公共事务上寻求他们的同情，可以在他希望帮助任何人时指望他们的关心，可以与他们坦诚地讨论别人的私事和国家大事。但他与这些人的关系局限于一条明确界定的渠道，并有一定的常规，不可偏离。有一个人，是他大学时的同学，后来成了朋友，他本可以与之倾诉个人悲伤；但这位朋友在俄国偏远地区的教育部任职。在彼得堡的人中，与他最亲近、最有可能的是他的首席秘书和他的医生。
首席秘书米哈伊尔·瓦西里耶维奇·斯柳金是一个正直、聪明、善良、有责任心的人，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇知道他对自己怀有善意。但他们五年的共事似乎在他们之间建立了一道屏障，隔断了更亲密的交往。
签署完送来的文件后，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇沉默地坐了很久，瞥了米哈伊尔·瓦西里耶维奇几眼，几次想要开口，却说不出来。他已经准备好了这样一句话：“你听说我的不幸了吗？”但最后，他还是像往常一样说：“那么，你替我把这个准备好？”然后便让他离开了。
另一个人是医生，他也对阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇怀有好意；但他们之间长久以来存在着一种心照不宣的默契，即两人都工作繁重，总是忙忙碌碌。
在他的女性朋友中，为首的莉季娅·伊万诺夫娜伯爵夫人，阿列克谢·亚历山德罗维奇从未考虑过。所有女人，仅仅作为女人，都令他感到可怕和厌恶。
From the moment when Alexey Alexandrovitch understood from his
interviews with Betsy and with Stepan Arkadyevitch that all that was
expected of him was to leave his wife in peace, without burdening her
with his presence, and that his wife herself desired this, he felt so
distraught that he could come to no decision of himself; he did not
know himself what he wanted now, and putting himself in the hands of
those who were so pleased to interest themselves in his affairs, he met
everything with unqualified assent. It was only when Anna had left his
house, and the English governess sent to ask him whether she should
dine with him or separately, that for the first time he clearly
comprehended his position, and was appalled by it. Most difficult of
all in this position was the fact that he could not in any way connect
and reconcile his past with what was now. It was not the past when he
had lived happily with his wife that troubled him. The transition from
that past to a knowledge of his wife’s unfaithfulness he had lived
through miserably already; that state was painful, but he could
understand it. If his wife had then, on declaring to him her
unfaithfulness, left him, he would have been wounded, unhappy, but he
would not have been in the hopeless position—incomprehensible to
himself—in which he felt himself now. He could not now reconcile his
immediate past, his tenderness, his love for his sick wife, and for the
other man’s child with what was now the case, that is with the fact
that, as it were, in return for all this he now found himself alone,
put to shame, a laughing-stock, needed by no one, and despised by
everyone.
For the first two days after his wife’s departure Alexey Alexandrovitch
received applicants for assistance and his chief secretary, drove to
the committee, and went down to dinner in the dining-room as usual.
Without giving himself a reason for what he was doing, he strained
every nerve of his being for those two days, simply to preserve an
appearance of composure, and even of indifference. Answering inquiries
about the disposition of Anna Arkadyevna’s rooms and belongings, he had
exercised immense self-control to appear like a man in whose eyes what
had occurred was not unforeseen nor out of the ordinary course of
events, and he attained his aim: no one could have detected in him
signs of despair. But on the second day after her departure, when
Korney gave him a bill from a fashionable draper’s shop, which Anna had
forgotten to pay, and announced that the clerk from the shop was
waiting, Alexey Alexandrovitch told him to show the clerk up.
“Excuse me, your excellency, for venturing to trouble you. But if you
direct us to apply to her excellency, would you graciously oblige us
with her address?”
Alexey Alexandrovitch pondered, as it seemed to the clerk, and all at
once, turning round, he sat down at the table. Letting his head sink
into his hands, he sat for a long while in that position, several times
attempted to speak and stopped short. Korney, perceiving his master’s
emotion, asked the clerk to call another time. Left alone, Alexey
Alexandrovitch recognized that he had not the strength to keep up the
line of firmness and composure any longer. He gave orders for the
carriage that was awaiting him to be taken back, and for no one to be
admitted, and he did not go down to dinner.
