第三十七章 第三部
第三章
多莉走进基蒂的小房间。这间淡粉色的小房间十分雅致，摆满了萨克森老瓷小摆设，两个月前基蒂本人也是这样清新、粉嫩、白皙、快乐，多莉想到去年她们俩是怎样怀着深情和欢乐一起布置这个房间的。她的心冷了下来。基蒂坐在门口的一把矮椅上，目光一动不动地盯着地毯角。她看到姐姐，脸上那冷淡甚至有点生气的表情并没有改变。
“我现在就要走了，得在家里待一阵子，你也没法来看我，”多莉在她身边坐下说。“我想跟你谈谈。”
“谈什么？”基蒂惊恐地抬起头来，急忙问道。
“还能谈什么，当然是谈你的苦恼。”
“我没有苦恼。”
“别胡说了，基蒂。难道你以为我会不知道吗？我全都知道。相信我，这实在算不了什么……我们都经历过这种事。”
基蒂没有做声，脸上带着严厉的表情。
“他不值得你为他伤心，”达里娅·亚历山德罗夫娜直截了当地说。
“不，因为他看不起我，”基蒂用颤抖的声音说。“不谈了！求求你，别谈这个了！”
“可是，谁对你这么说的呢？没有人这样说过。我相信他是爱你的，而且还会继续爱你，要不是……”
“唉，最叫我受不了的就是这种同情！”基蒂突然火冒三丈，尖叫起来。她在椅子上转过身来，满脸绯红，手指飞快地动着，一会儿用这只手，一会儿用那只手，捏着腰带扣。多莉知道妹妹在非常激动时这种紧握双手的习惯；她也知道基蒂在激动时会忘乎所以，说出许多不该说的话来。多莉本想安慰她，可是已经太晚了。
“你要我有什么感觉，嗯？”基蒂急促地说。“你要我知道我爱上了一个根本不把我放在心上的男人，而我正为他害相思病死去活来吗？这话竟出自我的亲姐姐之口，她以为……以为……以为是在同情我！……我才不要这种同情和虚情假意呢！”
“基蒂，你不公平。”
“你为什么折磨我？”
“可我……正好相反……我看得出你不幸……”
但是基蒂在盛怒之下根本听不进她的话。
“我没有理由伤心，也不需要安慰。我自尊心很强，从来不会爱一个不爱我的男人。”
“是的，我也不是这意思……只是一件事。对我说实话，”达里娅·亚历山德罗夫娜拉住她的手说，“告诉我，列文跟你提过吗？……”
提起列文的名字，基蒂似乎失去了最后一点自制力。她从椅子上跳起来，把腰带扣往地上一扔，飞快地摆着双手说：
“为什么又把列文扯进来？我不明白你为什么要这样折磨我。我已经告诉过你，我现在再重复一遍：我有自尊心，我永远、永远不会像你那样做——回到一个欺骗你、爱着别的女人的男人身边去。我无法理解这种事！你也许能做到，我可不行！”
说完这些话，她瞥了姐姐一眼，看见多莉愁容满面地坐在那里，低着头，默不作声。基蒂本来打算跑出房间的，但这时却改变了主意，在门边坐下，用手帕捂住脸。
沉默了两分钟。多莉想着自己的心事。妹妹一提起她蒙受的屈辱，她心里就感到特别痛苦，那份屈辱一直压在她心头。她没想到妹妹会这样残酷无情，因此对她很生气。但突然她听见一阵裙子的窸窣声，同时听到令人心碎的呜咽声，感觉有两只手臂搂住了她的脖子。基蒂跪在她面前。
“多琳卡，我多么多么不幸啊！”她负疚地低声说。泪流满面的可爱的脸埋进达里娅·亚历山德罗夫娜的裙子里。
好像眼泪是必不可少的润滑油，没有它，姐妹俩相互信任的机器就无法顺畅运转。姐妹俩哭了一场之后，虽然谈论的不是她们心里想的事，谈的都是一些无关紧要的事，但彼此都明白了对方的心意。基蒂知道，她在盛怒之下说出的有关丈夫负心和姐姐屈辱处境的那些话，一定深深刺痛了她可怜的姐姐的心，但姐姐已经原谅了她。多莉呢，她想知道的事情全都知道了。她确信她的猜测是对的：基蒂的痛苦，她那无法安慰的痛苦，恰恰是因为列文向她求过婚而遭到了她的拒绝，弗龙斯基又欺骗了她，现在她准备爱列文，憎恨弗龙斯基。基蒂对此只字未提；她谈的只是自己的心情。
“我没有什么事好烦恼的，”基蒂平静下来说，“但是你能理解吗：我现在觉得一切都变得可恨、讨厌、粗俗，尤其是我自己。你简直没法想象我脑子里尽是些多么龌龊的念头。”
“你怎么会有龌龊的念头呢？”多莉微笑着问。
“都是些极其龌龊、极其粗俗的念头：我没法对你说。不是不幸，不是伤心，而是比这更糟。好像我身上一切好的东西都隐藏起来了，只剩下最龌龊的东西。哦，我该怎么跟你说呢？”她看见姐姐眼睛里困惑不解的神情，就继续说道，“爸爸刚才对我说了一些话……我觉得，他似乎以为我唯一的愿望就是出嫁。妈妈带我出去参加舞会，我觉得她带我去的目的就是尽快把我嫁出去，好摆脱我。我知道这不是事实，可我又没法赶走这些念头。所谓合适的求婚者，我见了就讨厌。我觉得他们是在打量我，对我品头论足。以前，穿夜礼服到什么地方去，对我来说是一件快乐的事，我喜欢打扮自己；可现在我觉得可耻、别扭。唉，还有医生！……还有……”基蒂迟疑了一下，她本来想说，自从她身上发生这种变化以来，斯捷潘·阿尔卡德奇就变得令她难以忍受地反感，她看见他就会产生最粗野、最丑恶的念头。
“唉，现在一切在我眼里都是最粗野、最可憎的样子，”她接着说。“这就是我的病。也许过些时候会好的。”
“你不要去想它就是了。”
“我做不到。除了你们家的孩子，没有谁能让我高兴。”
“可惜你不能住在我这里！”
“哦，我来。我生过猩红热，我去求妈妈让我来。”
基蒂坚持要按照自己的意思办。她住到姐姐家里，照料生猩红热的孩子们（后来确诊果然是猩红热）。两个姐姐把六个孩子全部照料痊愈，可是基蒂的身体并没有好转，于是谢尔巴茨基全家就在大斋期出国去了。
When she went into Kitty’s little room, a pretty, pink little room,
full of knick-knacks in _vieux saxe,_ as fresh, and pink, and white,
and gay as Kitty herself had been two months ago, Dolly remembered how
they had decorated the room the year before together, with what love
and gaiety. Her heart turned cold when she saw Kitty sitting on a low
chair near the door, her eyes fixed immovably on a corner of the rug.
Kitty glanced at her sister, and the cold, rather ill-tempered
expression of her face did not change.
“I’m just going now, and I shall have to keep in and you won’t be able
to come to see me,” said Dolly, sitting down beside her. “I want to
talk to you.”
“What about?” Kitty asked swiftly, lifting her head in dismay.
“What should it be, but your trouble?”
“I have no trouble.”
“Nonsense, Kitty. Do you suppose I could help knowing? I know all about
it. And believe me, it’s of so little consequence.... We’ve all been
through it.”
Kitty did not speak, and her face had a stern expression.
“He’s not worth your grieving over him,” pursued Darya Alexandrovna,
coming straight to the point.
“No, because he has treated me with contempt,” said Kitty, in a
breaking voice. “Don’t talk of it! Please, don’t talk of it!”
“But who can have told you so? No one has said that. I’m certain he was
in love with you, and would still be in love with you, if it
hadn’t....”
“Oh, the most awful thing of all for me is this sympathizing!” shrieked
Kitty, suddenly flying into a passion. She turned round on her chair,
flushed crimson, and rapidly moving her fingers, pinched the clasp of
her belt first with one hand and then with the other. Dolly knew this
trick her sister had of clenching her hands when she was much excited;
she knew, too, that in moments of excitement Kitty was capable of
forgetting herself and saying a great deal too much, and Dolly would
have soothed her, but it was too late.
“What, what is it you want to make me feel, eh?” said Kitty quickly.
“That I’ve been in love with a man who didn’t care a straw for me, and
that I’m dying of love for him? And this is said to me by my own
sister, who imagines that ... that ... that she’s sympathizing with
me!... I don’t want these condolences and humbug!”
“Kitty, you’re unjust.”
“Why are you tormenting me?”
“But I ... quite the contrary ... I see you’re unhappy....”
But Kitty in her fury did not hear her.
“I’ve nothing to grieve over and be comforted about. I am too proud
ever to allow myself to care for a man who does not love me.”
“Yes, I don’t say so either.... Only one thing. Tell me the truth,”
said Darya Alexandrovna, taking her by the hand: “tell me, did Levin
speak to you?...”
The mention of Levin’s name seemed to deprive Kitty of the last vestige
of self-control. She leaped up from her chair, and flinging her clasp
on the ground, she gesticulated rapidly with her hands and said:
