头发卷好了，女仆也打发走了，爱玛坐下来思前想后，满心凄苦。——这真是桩糟心的事！——她一心盼望的一切，全都落了空！——最不愿叫人知道的事，一件件全揭了出来！——哈丽特遭了多大的打击！——那才是最要紧的。每一桩都带来这样那样的痛苦和屈辱；可是比起哈丽特所受的害，其余的全算不得什么；若能叫她自己失算的后果只落在她一人身上，她甘愿觉得自己比眼下更错、更糊涂、因误断而更丢脸。
“若不是我撺掇哈丽特去喜欢那人，什么我都能受。他纵然对我加倍放肆——可苦了可怜的哈丽特！”
她怎会叫人骗得这么苦！——他一口咬定从不曾认真看待哈丽特——从不！她尽力回想；却只觉一团乱麻。她想，大约是自己先有了成见，便万事都往那上头扭。不过，他的举止若不是含含糊糊、游移不定、教人摸不准，她也断不会这样被人引错路。
那幅画像！——他为那画像何等热心！——还有那字谜！——以及百十桩别的事；——分明桩桩都指着哈丽特。固然，那字谜里说的“机敏的才智”——可还有“柔和的眼波”——实则两头不靠；是一锅没滋味也没真话的乱炖。这等蠢笨糊涂，谁看得透？
自然，她常觉——尤其近来——他对她自己过分殷勤；但她只当是他习性如此，不过见识、品味差些，只当是又一桩例证，说明他并非总在顶好的圈子里混，纵然言谈温文，真风雅却时有欠缺；可是直到今日，她片刻也不曾疑心那除了因她是哈丽特的朋友而生的感恩敬重，另有所指。
头一个动这念头的，原是约翰·奈特利先生，是她想及此事的起因，是“或有可能”的第一道缝隙。不可否认，那兄弟俩确有眼力。她记起奈特利先生曾对她说过埃尔顿先生的话，他给的告诫，他笃信埃尔顿先生绝不会贸然成婚；想到他看人的本事比她自己强出这许多，她不由脸红。这叫人丧气极了；可埃尔顿先生正从诸多方面显出，与她原以为信着的他全然相反；傲慢、自大、自负；满心自己的算计，少把旁人的心放在眼里。
与常情相反，埃尔顿先生要向她献殷勤，反叫她小看了他。他的表白与求婚，于他毫无助益。她不把他那点情意当回事，倒叫他那心思污了她的耳。他想高攀，竟敢把眼抬到她身上，装出一副钟情的样；可她全然不愁他有什么值得在意的失落。他的言语举止里，本没有半分真感情。叹气与漂亮话，他给得不少；可她几乎想不出哪样措辞、哪样声口，比那更不沾真爱的边。她不必费心怜他。他只图自家显达富贵；若哈特菲尔德的伍德豪斯小姐、那有三万镑家私的继承人，不似他想的那么好到手，他迟早要去谋另一位有二十镑或十镑的某小姐。
可是——他竟说什么鼓励，竟当她明了他的心意，受了他的殷勤，存了（简言之）嫁他的心！——竟自认与她门第相当、才情相匹！——小看她的朋友，对身下等级的分别清楚得很，对头上高的却瞎了眼，竟以为向她开口算不得狂妄！——这最叫人恼火。
指望他觉出自己在才情与诸般雅量上远不如她，或许本就不公。正因缺了这平等，他才觉不出；可他总该知道，论家财与名望，她远在他之上。他总该知道，伍德豪斯家在哈特菲尔德落脚好几代了，是极古老家族的支脉——而埃尔顿家算不得什么。哈特菲尔德的田产固然微薄，不过唐威尔修道院庄园的一个缺口，海伯利其余尽归那处；但他们另有的家财，却教他们在其余诸般体面上，几乎不输唐威尔修道院本身；伍德豪斯家久居四邻敬重之地，而埃尔顿先生两年前才初来，无亲无靠，只凭商界往来，除身份与客气外别无可称，自家挣出路。——他却当她爱上了他；这显然是他倚仗的底；爱玛先为那温文举止与自负脑筋的刺目不称胡乱恼了一阵，终因本心诚实，不得不停住，承认自己对他的做派委实太随和、太周全，礼数殷勤、关照备至，若（假定他看不破她真意）叫埃尔顿先生这等寻常眼力与体面人，误以为自己是极得青眼的红人，也怪不得他。若她错解了他的情，她便没多少资格怪他——被私利蒙了眼——错解了她的。
头一桩错，最要命的错，在她身上。这样主动撮合两个人，蠢，也错。步子迈得太远，把持得太多，把本该郑重的事当了玩闹，把本该简单的事弄了虚招。她又愧又臊，打定主意再不干这等事。
“我竟，”她说，“把可怜的哈丽特说动了，教她死心塌地恋着这人。若不是我，她未必想到他；若不是我向她担保他有意，她绝不会存了指望，因她和我从前想他一样谦卑。噢！当初劝她莫应了小马丁，我便该知足。那桩我做得对；做得好；可那处我该收手，余下交给时运。我引她进好人的圈子，给她机会讨个值得的人的喜；我不该多事。可如今，可怜的姑娘，她安生日子断送了些时候。我对她只算半个朋友；若她不是这般失望得紧，我确想不出别个谁配得上她；——威廉·考克斯——噢！不，我受不得威廉·考克斯——个轻浮的小律师。”
她停住，为自己又犯老毛病红了脸、笑出声，随即又拾起更沉、更泄气的思量，想已成的、将成的、必成的。她得向哈丽特剖白的苦处，哈丽特可怜人将受的罪，日后见面的尴尬，续不续这交情的难处，压下情、藏住怨、避风头的麻烦，够她再闷想一阵；她上床时，除认准自己闯了大祸，什么也没定下。
对爱玛这般年轻、生来开朗的，虽夜里暂笼阴云，天一亮，精神也罕有不回的。晨的年轻与开朗，正相契合，力道也大；若那苦楚还没厉害到叫人睁不得眼，睁眼时必迎上浅些的痛，与亮些的望。
翌日爱玛起身，比睡时更容得下宽慰，更愿见眼前祸事的缓处，也更信自己能凑合脱身。
大可宽心的是，埃尔顿先生并非真爱她，也并非好到教人拒他于心不忍——哈丽特的天性，也不属那情最敏、最牢的上等种——且除了三个当事人，无需谁知道其间事，尤其不必教她父亲为此平白悬心。
这些念想极提神；见地上厚厚一层雪，她更得了便，因只要能教他们三人眼下全隔开，什么由头都好。
天公极衬她；虽是圣诞，她去不得教堂。伍德豪斯先生若见女儿尝试，必苦不堪，她因此免了惹或受那不合时宜的恼人念想。地覆雪，气在冻融间摇摆——最不宜走动的一种——每早先落雨或雪，每夜又冻上，她好些天是个极体面的囚人。与哈丽特只凭纸条往来；周日与圣诞一样去不得教堂；也无需替埃尔顿先生不来寻借口。
这天气大可把人都拘在家里；虽她盼着、也信他在哪处得了安慰，见父亲因他独居自家、聪明不出门而十分满意，听父亲对那任什么天气也拦不住的奈特利先生说——
“啊！奈特利先生，您怎不似可怜的埃尔顿先生般留在家里？”
若非心头乱，这些拘着的日子本极舒服，因这般避人正合她兄长意，而他的心绪，于同处的人总关紧要；且他早把在兰多尔斯的闷气清扫干净，在哈特菲尔德余着的日子，温厚从不失。他总怡人、周到，对谁都和和气气说好话。可纵有开朗的望、拖延的暂安，待向哈丽特剖白时悬头的祸，总教爱玛不得全安。
The hair was curled, and the maid sent away, and Emma sat down to think
and be miserable.—It was a wretched business indeed!—Such an overthrow
of every thing she had been wishing for!—Such a development of every
thing most unwelcome!—Such a blow for Harriet!—that was the worst of
all. Every part of it brought pain and humiliation, of some sort or
other; but, compared with the evil to Harriet, all was light; and she
would gladly have submitted to feel yet more mistaken—more in
error—more disgraced by mis-judgment, than she actually was, could the
effects of her blunders have been confined to herself.
“If I had not persuaded Harriet into liking the man, I could have borne
any thing. He might have doubled his presumption to me—but poor
Harriet!”
How she could have been so deceived!—He protested that he had never
thought seriously of Harriet—never! She looked back as well as she
could; but it was all confusion. She had taken up the idea, she
supposed, and made every thing bend to it. His manners, however, must
have been unmarked, wavering, dubious, or she could not have been so
misled.
The picture!—How eager he had been about the picture!—and the
charade!—and an hundred other circumstances;—how clearly they had
seemed to point at Harriet. To be sure, the charade, with its “ready
wit”—but then the “soft eyes”—in fact it suited neither; it was a
jumble without taste or truth. Who could have seen through such
thick-headed nonsense?
Certainly she had often, especially of late, thought his manners to
herself unnecessarily gallant; but it had passed as his way, as a mere
error of judgment, of knowledge, of taste, as one proof among others
that he had not always lived in the best society, that with all the
gentleness of his address, true elegance was sometimes wanting; but,
till this very day, she had never, for an instant, suspected it to mean
any thing but grateful respect to her as Harriet’s friend.
To Mr. John Knightley was she indebted for her first idea on the
subject, for the first start of its possibility. There was no denying
that those brothers had penetration. She remembered what Mr. Knightley
had once said to her about Mr. Elton, the caution he had given, the
conviction he had professed that Mr. Elton would never marry
indiscreetly; and blushed to think how much truer a knowledge of his
character had been there shewn than any she had reached herself. It was
dreadfully mortifying; but Mr. Elton was proving himself, in many
respects, the very reverse of what she had meant and believed him;
proud, assuming, conceited; very full of his own claims, and little
concerned about the feelings of others.
Contrary to the usual course of things, Mr. Elton’s wanting to pay his
addresses to her had sunk him in her opinion. His professions and his
proposals did him no service. She thought nothing of his attachment,
and was insulted by his hopes. He wanted to marry well, and having the
arrogance to raise his eyes to her, pretended to be in love; but she
was perfectly easy as to his not suffering any disappointment that need
be cared for. There had been no real affection either in his language
or manners. Sighs and fine words had been given in abundance; but she
could hardly devise any set of expressions, or fancy any tone of voice,
less allied with real love. She need not trouble herself to pity him.
He only wanted to aggrandise and enrich himself; and if Miss Woodhouse
of Hartfield, the heiress of thirty thousand pounds, were not quite so
easily obtained as he had fancied, he would soon try for Miss Somebody
else with twenty, or with ten.
