—The bandit, after having his way with my wife, sat there as he was and began to comfort her in various ways. Of course, I could not speak. My body was bound to the cedar roots. Yet, all the while, I signaled to my wife again and again with my eyes. Do not take this man’s words at face value—whatever he says, think it a lie—that was the meaning I wished to convey. But my wife simply sat among the fallen bamboo leaves in dejection, her gaze fixed upon her knees. And yet, did it not seem as though she were hanging on the bandit’s every word? I writhed in agony with jealousy. The bandit, however, skillfully pressed on from one thing to the next. Once her body is defiled, he said, there can be no reconciliation with her husband. Rather than remain with such a husband, would she not care to become his own wife? It was precisely because he loved her that he had dared such a rash act—the bandit at last, boldly, even brought the conversation around to such words.
When spoken to thus by the bandit, my wife lifted her face in a trance. Never had I seen my wife so beautiful as in that moment. But before me, still bound, what answer did that beautiful wife give the bandit? Even now, lost in the intermediate realm, never once do I recall her reply without burning with wrath. My wife surely said this: “Then take me anywhere you will.” (Long silence)
My wife’s guilt does not end there. If it did, I should not suffer so in this darkness. Yet my wife, as if in a dream, took the bandit’s hand and would have gone out of the thicket, when suddenly she paled and pointed at me at the cedar roots. “Kill that man. So long as he lives, I cannot be with you.”—Like one gone mad, she cried this out again and again. “Kill that man.”—Those words, like a storm, even now seek to blow me headlong down into the far depths of darkness. Has such a hateful word ever passed human lips before? Has such an accursed word ever met human ears before? Has such a—(sudden, bursting laughter) When those words were heard, even the bandit lost his color. “Kill that man.”—Crying thus, my wife clung to the bandit’s arm. The bandit only stared at her, giving no answer whether he would kill or not.—And before I knew it, my wife was kicked down with a single blow onto the fallen bamboo leaves. (Again, bursting laughter) The bandit quietly folded his arms and turned his eyes toward me. “What shall be done with that woman? Kill her, or let her live? A nod will suffice for your answer. Kill her?”—For these words alone, I could almost forgive the bandit his crime. (Again, a long silence)
While I hesitated, my wife gave a single cry and at once ran off into the depths of the thicket. The bandit sprang after her in an instant, but it seems he caught not even her sleeve. I merely watched the scene, as if in a trance.
After my wife fled, the bandit took up his sword and bow, and cut but one of my bonds. “Now it is my own turn.”—I remember murmuring thus as the bandit vanished from sight beyond the thicket. All was quiet in his wake. Nay, still there came the sound of someone weeping. As I untied the ropes, I listened intently. But when I noticed, that voice was none other than my own weeping! (A third long silence)
I at last raised my exhausted body from the cedar roots. Before me lay the small knife my wife had dropped, gleaming. I took it up and drove it straight into my chest. Something briny welled up into my mouth. Yet there was no pain. Only my chest grew cold, and all around became still more silent. Ah, what stillness it was. Not a single small bird came to sing in the sky above this shaded thicket. Only lonely sunlight drifted among the tips of the cedars and bamboos. The sunlight—and that too gradually faded.—The cedars and bamboos were no longer visible. There I lay fallen, enveloped in deep silence.
Then someone came stealthily to my side. I tried to look that way. But about me, a dim twilight had somehow gathered. Someone—that someone, with an unseen hand, gently drew the knife from my chest. At the same time, blood flooded my mouth once more. And with that, I sank forever into the darkness of the intermediate realm. ……
(December 1921)