I was impressed by the mistress's power of comprehension. The fact that her manner was unlike that of a old-fashioned Japanese woman also gave my attention a kind of stimulus. Thus the mistress hardly ever used those so-called new words that were just beginning to come into fashion around that time.
I was a careless young man with no deep experience of acquaintance with women. As a man, from an instinct toward the opposite sex, I had always dreamed of woman as an object of longing. But that was merely a vague dreaming, like gazing at the dear clouds of spring. So when I found myself before an actual woman, my feelings would sometimes change abruptly. Instead of being drawn toward the woman who appeared before me, I would feel, on the spot, a strange repelling force. With the mistress, not the least of such feeling arose in me. The idea of an inequality of mind that commonly lies between man and woman hardly occurred to me. I forgot that the mistress was a woman. I merely looked upon her as the sincere critic and sympathizer of the master.
"Madam, when I asked you before why the master does not take a more active part in the world, you said something, did you not? That he was not always thus."
"Yes, I said so. Indeed he was not as he is now."
"What was he like?"
"He was a dependable man, such as you might wish, and such as I myself wished for."
"Then why did he suddenly change?"
"Not suddenly; he gradually became as he is."
"You were constantly with the master during that time, were you not?"
"Of course I was. We are husband and wife."
"Then you ought to know perfectly well the cause of his changing so."
"That is just why it is so distressing. When you say such things to me it is truly painful, but however I think of it, there is no way for me to think of it. I don't know how many times by now I have begged him, 'Please confide in me.'"
"What does the master say?"
"He says nothing, that there is nothing to worry about, that he has simply become this sort of nature, and will not take any notice of me."
I fell silent. The mistress too broke off her words. The maid in the maid's room made not the slightest sound. I had completely forgotten about the thief.
"Do you think I am to blame?" the mistress suddenly asked.
"No," I answered.
"Please do not hide it, but tell me. To be thought so is more painful than having my flesh cut," the mistress said again. "Even so, I mean to do all that I can for the master."
"The master recognizes that much himself, so you may be at ease. Set your mind at rest; I guarantee it."
The mistress smoothed the ashes in the brazier. Then she poured the water from the water jar into the iron kettle. The kettle at once sank into silence.
"At last I could endure no longer, and asked the master. If there is something wrong in me, please tell me without reserve; if it is a fault I can mend, I will mend it. Then the master said, 'You have no faults; the faults are all on my side.' When he says that, I become so sorrowful I cannot help myself; the tears come, and all the more I want to hear of my own wrongs."
The mistress filled her eyes with tears.
