第一百二十一章 第三卷 苦修
第三卷 苦修
初学生至少需两年，往往长达四年；见习生需四年。二十二三岁或二十四岁之前，很少有人能发终身愿。马丁·维尔加的本笃会伯尔纳修女院不接纳寡妇入院。
在修室里，她们进行许多不为人知的苦修，对此永远不得声张。
见习修女发愿之日，她身着最华美的服饰，头戴白玫瑰花冠，秀发梳得油亮卷曲。随后她俯伏在地，一面巨大的黑纱覆盖其身，众人唱起亡者日课。接着修女们分列两行：一行从她身边经过，以哀婉的语调说道："我们的姐妹已经死去"；另一行则以狂喜的声音回应："我们的姐妹在耶稣基督里永生！"
本故事发生的年代，修院附设一所寄宿学校——专收贵族及富豪之家的小姐，其中可提及德·圣奥莱尔小姐、德·贝利森小姐，还有一位名门天主教姓氏塔尔博特的英国姑娘。这些少女在四壁之内由修女们抚养长大，对世俗和时代心存恐惧。其中一位某日对我们说："看到街上的石板路，我吓得从头到脚发抖。"她们身着蓝衣，头戴白帽，胸前佩带镀金或铜制的圣灵徽章。每逢重大节日，尤其是圣玛尔塔节，她们被格外恩准作为至高幸福，整日打扮成修女模样，履行圣本笃会的一切职务和修规。最初修女们常借黑衣给她们穿，这被视为亵渎，院长禁止了这种做法。只允许见习修女出借。值得注意的是，这些表演——无疑是出于院中隐秘的劝化精神，为了让孩子们预先品尝圣服之味——对学生们而言却是真正的幸福和实在的消遣。她们纯粹以此为乐。"这很新鲜；给她们换了花样。"这是童稚天真的理由，却不足以让世俗之人理解手持圣水刷、在诵经台前连续几个时辰站着高唱四部圣咏的乐趣。
学生们除苦修之外，遵循修院的一切规矩。有位年轻女子后来进入世俗生活，结婚多年后，每当有人敲门，她仍改不了急促应答"永远如此"的习惯。如同修女，学生们只在会客室与亲人相见。就连她们的母亲也不得拥抱她们。以下事例可见此规定之严苛：某日，一位少女接待母亲来访，母亲带着三岁的小妹妹。少女哭泣，极想拥抱妹妹。绝无可能。她恳求至少让那孩子把小手指伸过铁栏，好让她亲吻一下。这个请求几乎被愤然拒绝。
One is a postulant for two years at least, often for four; a novice for
four. It is rare that the definitive vows can be pronounced earlier
than the age of twenty-three or twenty-four years. The
Bernardines-Benedictines of Martin Verga do not admit widows to their
order.
In their cells, they deliver themselves up to many unknown macerations,
of which they must never speak.
On the day when a novice makes her profession, she is dressed in her
handsomest attire, she is crowned with white roses, her hair is brushed
until it shines, and curled. Then she prostrates herself; a great black
veil is thrown over her, and the office for the dead is sung. Then the
nuns separate into two files; one file passes close to her, saying in
plaintive accents, “Our sister is dead”; and the other file responds in
a voice of ecstasy, “Our sister is alive in Jesus Christ!”
At the epoch when this story takes place, a boarding-school was
attached to the convent—a boarding-school for young girls of noble and
mostly wealthy families, among whom could be remarked Mademoiselle de
Saint-Aulaire and de Bélissen, and an English girl bearing the
illustrious Catholic name of Talbot. These young girls, reared by these
nuns between four walls, grew up with a horror of the world and of the
age. One of them said to us one day, “The sight of the street pavement
made me shudder from head to foot.” They were dressed in blue, with a
white cap and a Holy Spirit of silver gilt or of copper on their
breast. On certain grand festival days, particularly Saint Martha’s
day, they were permitted, as a high favor and a supreme happiness, to
dress themselves as nuns and to carry out the offices and practice of
Saint-Benoît for a whole day. In the early days the nuns were in the
habit of lending them their black garments. This seemed profane, and
the prioress forbade it. Only the novices were permitted to lend. It is
remarkable that these performances, tolerated and encouraged, no doubt,
in the convent out of a secret spirit of proselytism and in order to
give these children a foretaste of the holy habit, were a genuine
happiness and a real recreation for the scholars. They simply amused
themselves with it. _It was new; it gave them a change_. Candid reasons
of childhood, which do not, however, succeed in making us worldlings
comprehend the felicity of holding a holy water sprinkler in one’s hand
and standing for hours together singing hard enough for four in front
of a reading-desk.
The pupils conformed, with the exception of the austerities, to all the
practices of the convent. There was a certain young woman who entered
the world, and who after many years of married life had not succeeded
in breaking herself of the habit of saying in great haste whenever any
one knocked at her door, “forever!” Like the nuns, the pupils saw their
relatives only in the parlor. Their very mothers did not obtain
permission to embrace them. The following illustrates to what a degree
severity on that point was carried. One day a young girl received a
visit from her mother, who was accompanied by a little sister three
years of age. The young girl wept, for she wished greatly to embrace
her sister. Impossible. She begged that, at least, the child might be
permitted to pass her little hand through the bars so that she could
kiss it. This was almost indignantly refused.
