第一百八十一章 第六章 贫困
第六章 贫困
那天晚上，马吕斯受到了一次剧烈的震撼，心里从此留下了一道阴郁的伤痕。这正如心灵被犁铧犁过一般，种下什么，便长出什么。种下的是精灵，长出的却是良种。马吕斯心情抑郁。他刚刚才获得一种信仰，难道必须马上又把它抛弃吗？他对自己说，他决不抛弃它。他对自己说，他决不怀疑，可是怀疑却不招自来。站在两种宗教之间，一种你还未能彻底走出，另一种你又尚未踏进，这是令人难以忍受的。这种黄昏景象只有蝙蝠那样的心灵才喜欢。马吕斯是个目光明亮的人，他需要真正的光明。如半明半暗的怀疑会伤害他。不管他怎样想留在原来的地方，他总归控制不住自己，他身不由己地继续前进，继续探索，继续思考，继续往前走。这条路要把他引向何方呢？他害怕，在他走过了那么多步，一步比一步接近他父亲之后，现在又要走一步，这一步也许会使他和那人漂开。他想到这一切，心里更加愁闷了。他四周似乎升起了悬崖绝壁。他和祖父、和他那些朋友都不能一致；对祖父来说，他大胆过了头；对那些朋友来说，他又太落后了。他承认他成了一个双料的孤独者。一边是老年人，一边是青年人。从此他不再到缪尚咖啡馆去了。
在这种心绪纷乱的情况下，他不再考虑生存中一些严肃的方面了。现实生活中的种种问题是不允许人们忘记的。它不久就猛然来到了他面前。
一天早晨，旅店老板走进马吕斯的房间，对他说：
“古费拉克先生为您作了保。”
“是的。”
“但我缺钱用。”
“请古费拉克先生来和我谈谈。”马吕斯说。
古费拉克来了，老板见了他们，便离开了。马吕斯把他没有想到要说的话告诉了他：他在这世界上独自一人，没有亲戚。
“您打算怎么办呢？”古费拉克说。
“一点也不知道。”马吕斯回答。
“您打算干什么呢？”
“不知道。”
“您有钱吗？”
“十五法郎。”
“要我借点钱给您吗？”
“决不。”
“您有衣服吗？”
“就是这些。”
“您有值钱的东西吗？”
“有只表。”
“银的？”
“金的，给你。”
“我认识一个收旧衣的商人，他会收买您的礼服和一条长裤。”
“好。”
“这么一来，您就只有一条长裤、一件背心、一顶帽子和一件上衣了。”
“还有靴子。”
“怎么！您不会光脚走吧？真是富有！”
“够了。”
“我认识一个钟表商，他会买您的表。”
“好。”
“不好。那么，您干了以后怎么办呢？”
“需要干什么就干什么，只要是诚实的事就行。”
“您懂英语吗？”
“不懂。”
“懂德语吗？”
“不懂。”
“那就糟了。”
“为什么？”
“因为我有一个朋友，是个出版商，他在编一种百科全书，您原可以给他翻译英文或德文文章。报酬少，但能生活。”
“我可以学英文和德文。”
“在这期间呢？”
“在这期间我靠我的衣服和手表过日子。”
他们把收旧衣服的商人找来。他出了二十法郎买下那身旧衣服。他们又去到钟表商那里。他出四十五法郎买下了那只表。
“这不算坏，”马吕斯回到旅店时对古费拉克说，“加上我的十五法郎，一共八十法郎。”
“还有旅店的账呢？”古费拉克提醒他说。
“咦，我倒忘了。”马吕斯说。
老板立刻把账单送来，必须付清。这笔账是七十法郎。
“只剩下十法郎了。”马吕斯说。
“见鬼，”古费拉克说，“您学英文时吃掉五法郎，学德文时再吃掉五法郎。那就是一口吞下一百个苏，或慢吞吞地吃掉一百个苏了。”
这时，吉诺曼姨妈（她在困难情况下，其实是个好心肠的人）终于找着了马吕斯的住所。
一天早上，马吕斯从法学院回来，发现姨妈的一封信和六十比斯托尔，即六百法郎金币，封在一个匣子里。
马吕斯把三十路易原封不动地退还姨妈，并在一封恭敬的信里说，他有办法维持生活，从今以后他可以满足自己的一切需要。那时，他只有三法郎了。
这一拒绝姨妈没有告诉外祖父，怕他更加生气。再说，他老人家不是说过：“我再也不要见到那个吸血鬼了吗！”
于是马吕斯搬出了圣雅克门旅馆，他不愿在这里欠账。
That evening left Marius profoundly shaken, and with a melancholy
shadow in his soul. He felt what the earth may possibly feel, at the
moment when it is torn open with the iron, in order that grain may be
deposited within it; it feels only the wound; the quiver of the germ
and the joy of the fruit only arrive later.
Marius was gloomy. He had but just acquired a faith; must he then
reject it already? He affirmed to himself that he would not. He
declared to himself that he would not doubt, and he began to doubt in
spite of himself. To stand between two religions, from one of which you
have not as yet emerged, and another into which you have not yet
entered, is intolerable; and twilight is pleasing only to bat-like
souls. Marius was clear-eyed, and he required the true light. The
half-lights of doubt pained him. Whatever may have been his desire to
remain where he was, he could not halt there, he was irresistibly
constrained to continue, to advance, to examine, to think, to march
further. Whither would this lead him? He feared, after having taken so
many steps which had brought him nearer to his father, to now take a
step which should estrange him from that father. His discomfort was
augmented by all the reflections which occurred to him. An escarpment
rose around him. He was in accord neither with his grandfather nor with
his friends; daring in the eyes of the one, he was behind the times in
the eyes of the others, and he recognized the fact that he was doubly
isolated, on the side of age and on the side of youth. He ceased to go
to the Café Musain.
In the troubled state of his conscience, he no longer thought of
certain serious sides of existence. The realities of life do not allow
themselves to be forgotten. They soon elbowed him abruptly.
One morning, the proprietor of the hotel entered Marius’ room and said
to him:—
“Monsieur Courfeyrac answered for you.”
“Yes.”
“But I must have my money.”
“Request Courfeyrac to come and talk with me,” said Marius.
Courfeyrac having made his appearance, the host left them. Marius then
told him what it had not before occurred to him to relate, that he was
the same as alone in the world, and had no relatives.
“What is to become of you?” said Courfeyrac.
“I do not know in the least,” replied Marius.
“What are you going to do?”
“I do not know.”
“Have you any money?”
“Fifteen francs.”
“Do you want me to lend you some?”
“Never.”
“Have you clothes?”
“Here is what I have.”
“Have you trinkets?”
“A watch.”
“Silver?”
“Gold; here it is.”
“I know a clothes-dealer who will take your frock-coat and a pair of
trousers.”
“That is good.”
“You will then have only a pair of trousers, a waistcoat, a hat and a
coat.”
“And my boots.”
“What! you will not go barefoot? What opulence!”
“That will be enough.”
“I know a watchmaker who will buy your watch.”
“That is good.”
“No; it is not good. What will you do after that?”
“Whatever is necessary. Anything honest, that is to say.”
“Do you know English?”
“No.”
“Do you know German?”
“No.”
“So much the worse.”
“Why?”
“Because one of my friends, a publisher, is getting up a sort of an
encyclopædia, for which you might have translated English or German
articles. It is badly paid work, but one can live by it.”
“I will learn English and German.”
“And in the meanwhile?”
“In the meanwhile I will live on my clothes and my watch.”
The clothes-dealer was sent for. He paid twenty francs for the cast-off
garments. They went to the watchmaker’s. He bought the watch for
forty-five francs.
“That is not bad,” said Marius to Courfeyrac, on their return to the
hotel, “with my fifteen francs, that makes eighty.”
“And the hotel bill?” observed Courfeyrac.
“Hello, I had forgotten that,” said Marius.
The landlord presented his bill, which had to be paid on the spot. It
amounted to seventy francs.
“I have ten francs left,” said Marius.
“The deuce,” exclaimed Courfeyrac, “you will eat up five francs while
you are learning English, and five while learning German. That will be
swallowing a tongue very fast, or a hundred sous very slowly.”
In the meantime Aunt Gillenormand, a rather good-hearted person at
bottom in difficulties, had finally hunted up Marius’ abode.
One morning, on his return from the law-school, Marius found a letter
from his aunt, and the _sixty pistoles_, that is to say, six hundred
francs in gold, in a sealed box.
Marius sent back the thirty louis to his aunt, with a respectful
letter, in which he stated that he had sufficient means of subsistence
and that he should be able thenceforth to supply all his needs. At that
moment, he had three francs left.
His aunt did not inform his grandfather of this refusal for fear of
exasperating him. Besides, had he not said: “Let me never hear the name
of that blood-drinker again!”
Marius left the hotel de la Porte Saint-Jacques, as he did not wish to
run in debt there.
