五十二

This feeling I had toward my departed friend lasted forever. In fact, I had been afraid of it from the very beginning. It would not be wrong to say that even my long-cherished hope of marriage was carried out under a cloud of unease. But being one who could not see his own future, I also thought that perhaps this might serve as the turning point that would transform my state of mind and lead me into a new life. Yet when, as a husband, I finally came face to face with my wife morning and night, my faint hope was cruelly shattered by harsh reality. As I sat with my wife, I was suddenly haunted by K. That is to say, my wife stood between us, binding K and me together no matter what, refusing to let go. Though I found no fault in my wife anywhere, in this one respect alone I wished to keep my distance from her. And a woman's heart immediately reflects such things. It is reflected, yet she cannot understand the reason. I was sometimes pressed by my wife with questions like,

“Stories of the world, in your language.”